Hey hey, it's another Saturday morning, and naturally I am annoyed at the world. Not the world so much as the store. Have you ever noticed that an Australian accent is really unpleasant on a woman? Well, that's not nice, maybe there is just a crop of unpleasant Australian women around here. Come to think of it I have never noticed any Australian men around here at all. I guess I am so annoyed because there is really no one I can get to work from 9-10am with me on Saturdays, and my therapist was adamant that the management should not expect me to work alone -- a young woman! alone! -- I mean she was really incensed when I told her this, but there's not a lot to do about it I said, the front desk is expected to take care of its own so it's my job to resolve or not resolve. And the resolution is that there's nothing really to do, even though I should say B. just came in at twenty after, which was nice of him, to finish organizing the section out front which is an unholy mess right now. Ugh this store is so tiring. I had a dream that I came in early and as I went to the back door to open up there was H., useless H., blameless H., standing there with her stupid hair just waiting by the door and expecting me to put her back on the schedule for that day, and I knew I had to do it because she's family and besides, no one can say no around here to anything.

Tired. Head hurts. Sent a probably ill-advised email to several managers on opening about how I'd rather not work alone in the morning like this, then quickly got a phone call from one of them which revealed that someone else was in fact in the store. Oh well. I guess I should deal with my own.

My morning routine includes driving to work in a mounting state of panic and annoyance, arriving at the store, turning on the lights, setting out money in trays, then finally unlocking the door, which introduces a period of at least two solid hours of hate and resentment while dealing with customers. By 2pm I usually feel somewhat more hospitable toward my fellow person.

While on one hand I find my dislike of these environs perfectly reasonable, some other part of me knows that my brain likes to focus on that negative state, and that plenty of people are mildly but not hair-tearingly dissatisfied with their workaday lives. There must be a way to focus on the positive, or to at least not dwell painfully on the negative.

What gets me lately is how it took everybody so long to realize they couldn't work as much as they said they would. S2 I can understand, as she was just beginning to negotiate a new courseload at school with working more than three days a week, and perhaps I should have seen her cut-back coming and planned around it; S1 has no excuse in my mind, as six hours a week at the family business does not seem incredibly onerous to me no matter what your workload otherwise. Family business is the burden one must bear, and of course in a corresponding way I will have to deal with her when she drops out/changes her mind/has some spare time and wants back onto the schedule.

Whatever. Really my beef is I hate training new people. I wish we could just download a disc of information into their brains and I wouldn't have to tell them how to do stuff right, or feel bad about repeating things or telling them to change what they're doing, or notice only after I've hired them that they have an unpleasant bodily odor. Seriously, that wasn't there in the interview.

I hate to admit it but I am just perpetually in a bad mood these days. At least at times when I am at or near work, which is six days out of seven and doesn't look like changing soon. Remember because everybody waited so long to tell me they were dropping out of their shifts, so now I've hired somebody but not for enough time, and even if I were supported in the venture of hiring another person to fill in, I'm just so tired and annoyed with the whole hiring process from the last round that I hardly give a shit. Okay, I'll take the extra shifts, whatever. It's your store, bucko; I get paid the same hourly wage no matter what I do, so if this place goes down in flames, it's your pile of money, and I'll most likely be out in the parking lot smoking and wondering what they'll put up in the empty lot.